apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
