You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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