those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
