best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
