Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my liver is dry heaving
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
