its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
