Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
