my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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