just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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