Can Purell be used as lube?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
