i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
