She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
