insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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