Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
