I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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