I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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