last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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