do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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