So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
