what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
