They should really pass out barf bags in church
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
