my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stole a fireplace last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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