So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
