Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
