i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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