and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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