Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
