he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
