Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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