...so i touched it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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