Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
