Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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