well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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