isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
