i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
