we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
