You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
