you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
