i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
