i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
