Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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