I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
