dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize