you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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