She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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