so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
being pregnant is like rehab
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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