As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
