At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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