Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
