I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
