a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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