Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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