Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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