if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
