Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
