my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
