I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
