Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
