Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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