I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
