If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Someone came in the potted fern
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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