True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize