forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
