I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
