so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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