If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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