**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
