We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
