I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
